Where are the articles exhorting men to have sex with transwomen?

Today, I have read yet another article in a mainstream press which suggests that lesbian women who refuse to have sex with pre-op trans women are bigots. There is quite a lot that I find problematic in this article including the continuing refusal to acknowledge that there are a number of transwomen in prisons who transitioned after incarceration for rape and other forms of violence against women and girls. It is simply ridiculous to pretend that Synthia China Blast is in prison simply for being Trans as the Sylvia Rivera Law Project did last year. Blast is in prison for the rape and murder of 13 year old Ebony Nicole Williams. There are Trans who are in prison for using illegal substances or engaging in sex work and no one should be in prison for this. It is very clear that those who end up in the prison, regardless of whether or not they are Trans, do so because they are not white, middle class, heterosexual men. Poverty, racism, homophobia, classism etc are the reasons that the prison-industrial complex exists. This is not to say that there are not classes of prisoners who need to be in prison for the safety of the rest of society – a group that includes rapists, but social problems are not solved with mass incarceration. They are solved by ending poverty.

What really struck me reading this particular article is how frequently I have seen the issue of lesbian women who do not want to have pre-op transwomen as sexual partners in the press and that I have never seen a similar article aimed at heterosexual women about having transmen as partners. I’ve never seen one calling gay men bigoted for refusing to have sex with transmen. And, I have certainly NEVER seen a similar article exhorting heterosexual men to have transwomen as partners.

Why is it that every single one of these letters focuses on lesbian women? Why are we not talking about the fact that many transwomen have not had surgery. Is it really bigotry for a women who is a lesbian to refuse to have sex with someone who has a penis – regardless of how that person identifies? If it is bigotry, then where are the articles labelling heterosexual men bigots for refusing to have sex with pre-op transwomen? Why aren’t there calls to insist that heterosexual pornography – like Playboy – feature the bodies of transwomen who have not had surgery like there is with lesbian porn?

We need to have an honest discussion about these questions. And, calling people bigots does not change the fact that there is a clear issue of lesbophobia inherent in these articles. If the only group of people being labelled bigots is lesbian women, we need to ask ourselves why lesbian women are considered a completely different category of human to heterosexual men and women and gay men.


11 thoughts on “Where are the articles exhorting men to have sex with transwomen?”

  1. It is primarily because the group of transwomen with the largest social platform are white, heterosexual males who consider themselves “lesbians” after deciding that they’re women now. They have lived lives of the most comfortable privilege, often working in high-paid sectors which are difficult for actual women to access such as IT. Maybe they got bullied at school for being nerds but that’s about the worst they’ve experienced.

    When they start transition suddenly experiencing the kind of homophobia directed at ‘weird, too-feminine men’ (which is what most of them look like) or for the handful that are passable as women, actual day-to-day misogyny, is so shocking and so removed from their idealised notions about ‘living as a woman’ that they react with typical white, hetero male anger at every perceived slight. Because oppression is now happening to them, it must be the worst POSSIBLE oppression, that gets special words like ‘transmisogyny’, and everything bad that ever happens to them is because they are The Most Oppressed.

    And as five minutes of living in this world would tell anyone, a straight white male not getting to put his dick where he wants to put his dick is the worst human rights violation ever imagined. So multiply that by a factor of Most Oppressedestness and add in your standard het male inferiority complex/fetish obsession with lesbians and you have the notion that lesbians are literally murdering all transwomen by keeping our pants on.

  2. How is it ever bigotry to not want to have sex with someone or a class of people, for any reason? Even if the party involved is indeed a bigot, how does anyone have the right to pressure anyone into sex under any conditions? And why would anyone want to have sex with someone they perceived as being bigoted towards them? “This woman is a bigot because she doesn’t want to have sex with me and my penis” is nothing more than a thin disguise for the old practice of corrective lesbian rape (or any kind of rape by men of women) with a bunch of new obfuscating language attached. It’s similar to the old “You’re being too picky, you should lower your standards” rot. Harassment is harassment no matter how much anybody dresses it up as oppression.

    1. I agree Ann Tagonist.

      But I also think that lesbians/feminists have taken a defensive stance because the Cotton Ceiling Contingent, Molloy, et al., have framed the issue as one of bigotry. That framing is manipulative and mentally abusive, and it’s designed to emotionally batter and deplete women of their energies and defences.

      The issue, here, is NOT bigotry. This is about women’s free will and bodily autonomy.

      No explanations, excuses, or reasons are required from lesbians or women of any sexual orientation.

      It bothers me to hear that lesbians feel pressured to provide reasons such as “sorry, I don’t like penises” (even though it’s true) when they are turning down males — trans or not. But, even IF a woman, any woman, turns down a sexual proposition because she has a prejudice against a particular group, she is not obligated to explain or to lie or to try to exonerate herself.

      A woman’s right to say NO to sexual activity is absolute. And, yes, the most bigoted woman in the world also has this absolute right to say no to sex.

      What these trans/queer writers are doing is questioning and challenging the sexual and bodily autonomy of lesbians BECAUSE they are women, and because women are expected to put their feelings aside and accommodate male desire. These writers have a rapist mentality, and women owe them fuck-all.

  3. I think it might be a good idea to write those articles about het men needing to date MTT or be bigots. Lesophobia and hatred of women will make many still able to defend calling lesbians hateful, while denouncing saying the same about Het men.

    But there has to be some that will actually catch on, at least mainstream people that know nothing about trans other than that it’s mean to criticize and hurt their fee fees.

    I truly believe the current tend of rich white IT late trans, and their virulent hatred of women, has been planned, and is intentional. Just remember- everytime you think you have seen it all, patriarchy comes up with something new to oppress us with. This is the most insidious backlash of all against womens lib. And most dangerous.

    just seeing the willingness to throw women under the trans bus, with never a mere peep about men, shows that it’s never been about trans and their actual rights and needs, but a wy to dismantle womens communities and infiltrate.

    I don’t think it’s widespread, I’m sure most trans are sincere. But their thought leaders are 110% out to hurt women at the mist basic level.

  4. I hope that my comment will be welcomed here, given the nature of the question in the title, which while appearing to be a rhetorical question, is by the political nature, also a very real one, at least from my perspective. To understand this statement, please allow me to introduce myself and explain a bit of my personal history. My pen name is Kay Brown. I’m what would be known in “transworld” as an “early transitioning transsexual”, gender atypical from early childhood, exclusively attracted to straight men, came out in high school, socially transitioned to living as a girl/woman as a teenager, kicked out of the house when I turned 18 and graduated HS the same week.

    So, given this, I believe that I can answer the question as though it was not simply rhetorical, at least I can speak for myself. Because all acts/expressions of romance/eroticism should be joyously consensual..Indeed, who would want to have sex with someone who isn’t truly into who one is, truly and deeply?

    Well… some of the “other kind”.



    To understand them, one must first understand that they are of a different tribe than “my kind”. They are autogynephilic. They were gender typical men, but have a particular paraphilia in which they find the thought (or the actuality, in the late transitioning MTF transgenders) of being or becoming female/feminized. Further, there is a very, very high co morbidity with narcissism and even Narcissistic Personality Disorder:


    The hallmarks of NPD are (from the DSM):

    Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
    Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
    Envies others and believes others envy him/her
    Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
    Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
    Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
    Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic

    Does that not sound familiar?

    Research has shown that narcissistic men get the most angry and potentially violent with their preferred erotic target when frustrated in their narcissistic needs, from whom they feel entitled to emotional support and sex.

    BTW, this expectation that Lesbians provide them with sex and uncritical support / acknowledgement that they are also “lesbian” is not just restricted to natal females… but also from “my kind”, as autogynephiles are also typically gynandromorphophilic (“trannychaser”). This issue is one that causes “my kind” many problems… and if we don’t kowtow to their sexual and narcissistic needs, we too are pejoratively labeled and even threatened:



    These last two examples are from my own personal history and experience (“The personal is political”) I could have detail many other incidences, but that would have been flogging the obvious.

    Why don’t we see articles exhorting men to have sex with transwomen? Because narcissistic autogynephiles are gynephilic, while androphilic transwomen aren’t narcissistic.

    For more info on this and other topics regarding the differences, please visit my blog On the Science of Changing Sex: https://sillyolme.wordpress.com/

    Most Sincerely and Respectfully Yours,

    –Kay Brown

  5. I’m a straight fat woman. Lots of men don’t want to have sex with me because I’m fat. That’s a crappy attitude, but I wouldn’t want a man to have sex with me only because it’s the PC thing to do or, just as bad, out of pity. Being fat is kind of like a character filter – it filters out the shallow jerks very nicely.

    Seems that that the MtT folks would see this about their desire for lesbian women – why would they want someone to have sex with them just because it’s PC to do so? That’s nothing but pathetic.

  6. So “I just don’t fancy you” makes you a bigot? I have close friends I wouldn’t sleep with, doesn’t mean I’m a bigot against them because of whatever their identity is. It means I have a right to choose who I sleep with. I’m sapio so the most beautiful person doesn’t do it for me unless I can have an intelligent conversation with them. I got told recently by a guy who I think is actually good looking he thought I was too hot to be interested in him but we can talk for hours on any topic we think a lot alike and he’s a raving feminist – what more is there?!

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